Up, Down Left, Right Of Jasmond's Life.

Today's thursday. It's been 2 days since I've blogged.My mood these 2 days are okay. Somehow managed to get in control of myself. But I get frustrated easily, tired easily, depressed easily. I've took alot of people & things for granted. Now when I realised it. Everything's too late. I'm unable to treasure those people & things again. Never ever again. I felt so alone, real real real alone. Though there's still family & friends that care, I don't want to trouble them. Don't want to make them worry too much. So I chose not to tell them anything. They have their own worries, their own problems. So it's best not to let them know unless neccessary. As for this blog, it's one of my channels to release stress. Trying to write all my feelings & problems here to make myself feel better. At least not everything is bottled inside me. Hmm, I've been receiving advices from those who got to know that I'm feeling damn depressed. Been trying my best to heed their advice, but sometimes I felt really tired doing so. Even those things that I normally do which could relieve me from stress & depression failed. Thoroughly failed. I don't know what to do. Really lost.

posted by Jasmond @ 1:38:00 PM

Really can't control my temper. Burst into flames today in school. Almost get into fight or I should say almost threw a punch. Been trying to be low profile all the while, hoping that something bad won't happen. But it still happened. I can't control myself anymore. What should I do? It seems that I'm very tired of myself, my life, & everything. Damn tired. I've lost control of myself. Totally in chaos. Help~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted by Jasmond @ 10:04:00 PM

21st of February 2004. The Singapore Youth Hunt has officially ended. We owe the success to everyone involved in the Singapore Youth Hunt, which includes the all the helpers, volunteers & participants. Thanks everyone for the hard work! Hah. At last the whole committee could have a good rest after so many months of hard work. On one hand, I'm very happy that the event turn out to be a great success. But on the other, my mind is filled with lots of mixed feelings. Unable to interpret them, I chose to leave them as is. Maybe to rest my mind & body. Keep them away from the world for a few days before "releasing" them back to take another round of challenge in life. The challenges that are never ending.

posted by Jasmond @ 11:48:00 PM

Sick. Frustrated. Excited. Sad. Happy. All kinds of feelings, moods or whatever is inside me. Seems unable to get "them" off me. I need peace right now. The event is just 2 day's time. The mood is getting more & more intense. Hope the event will be over soon, so that our committee can see the outcome of our hardworks. Still sick till today. I'm very sure now that the medicine has no effect on me but the painkiller. Maybe getting another MC the first thing in the morning & ask for a new set of medicine. Or should i say "stronger" medicines. Hah. So damn sick.

posted by Jasmond @ 12:41:00 AM

Hais. Been sick since sunday ba. Only till monday it became worse. Went to a Doctor on monday to get MC & medications. It seems that the medications had no use. It only manage to control my headache & fever. Maybe is because of the medication, my mind seems to "turn" very slow. Slow like a snail. Been having terrible sore throat & dizzy spells. Hmm, today I met up with my ex-classmate from secondary school for dinner. after the meal I bought wrapping paper & went straight home. Wrapped the present for WanQing while watching television. I noticed that my wrapping skill had improved. Hah. Maybe is because I'm sick which caused me to think & do thing slowly. After I fell ill, I seems to be unable to do things too fast paced, as my mind be able to catch up with what I'm doing. Hais~ Even now I don't even know what I'm talking about. Hah. Lazy to remove them. Just gonna leave them.

posted by Jasmond @ 11:25:00 PM

Been in a bad mood the whole day. Nothing's in my mind right now. It's empty. Just felt really frustrated with my life. Initially I wanted to go out, but my friends are not free. Either they are working or they are preparing for exams. My internet was down the whole day. Just managed to come online somehow. It's as if everthing is turning against me. I can't think. Can't go on writing anymore. I just can't. . .

posted by Jasmond @ 4:57:00 PM

Sigh~ Managed to format my comp & connect to the internet. Been offline for many days. Lots of mails inside my inbox. Got to clear them when free. Later got to go out to meet my friend. After I've been to the commando camp (Hendon), my temper been very bad. Yesterday night I didn't sleep. I was very frustrated. Don't know why. I just can't control my emotions. I'm getting out of my own control. How long can I last within my own control. Frustrations~!

posted by Jasmond @ 10:57:00 AM

Having mood swing today. Thought that by chatting with Ling my mood would be better, but it doesn't seem so. In the end the conversation started & ended just a few sms. Everything changed. It doesn't seems like before. It seems that I can't be like before. The guy who can care nothing. The guy who can be alone without feeling lonely or quiet. I've changed. But why can't others see my change for the better? I've lost all my confidence, faith & my will in life. It seems my mind & body has collapsed. Life sucks. Sucks to core. I don't know how long I can hold myself together. I'm falling apart.

posted by Jasmond @ 1:41:00 PM

Heh~ updating my blog in school again. Lots of activities in school today, I don't think I'm going to go through all the things. Had been eating & spending my weeks unhealthily. Been feeling heartaches these few weeks. Been too busy with stuffs to care about it though. Sigh~ I'll be going to Hendon Camp for Vocation Selection this friday @ 1.30pm. Don't know whether I'll be able to take the tests with my body condition now. My health is degrading. Maybe should arrange a medical check-up with a doctor soon. Been spending to much this month. Don't think I'll be able to come out with the money for check-up or any other expenditure. Any work to introduce me? Sigh~

posted by Jasmond @ 6:32:00 PM

Hmm... I bought a little piggy~! Went out toi play billiard with CC on Sunday. Around evening time, met up with Andrew to buy presents for Valentines day. As I already "scouted" for the present before. It took me not long to get the present desired. In the end I bought a litlle piggy for her. =P She likes pigs~ Especially those cute ones. Haha. Yesterday I bought a cute box from "More Than Words" to hold the piggy & other items. Later after lesson I still need to go buy some stuffs like card & rocher. trying to make the box "filled". =X Maybe I'll be meeting my X-Gf the week after Valentine's day ba. Still got to wait for her to contact me. =) I'll try update my blog as much as possible. Cause my house comp is down. =( got to reformat it. But I'm too lazy to do it. =X

posted by Jasmond @ 9:22:00 AM

Hmm... Went out after school on thursday to scout for presents for Valentines & O's b'day. I didn't buy anything for valentines but shared a present with Feng. Had a busy day yesterday. Really went out the whole day. Went school in the morning, had meeting in the late afternoon & went out the whole night. Heh. Went pub to get some beer & food. After that went to K-Box. I drank alot yesterday, though i was not drunk. Not a single sign that i was drunk I think. I know my limits. Yesterday I seems very happy, seems enjoying myself. But I don't know whether I'm real or just putting an act. Although I'm not drunk, but I seems to have a hangover. Hah. I should be the one who knows myself very well. But it seems that I'm not. I'm beginning to doubt myself. Doubt my judgement. But what can I do? Tell me.

posted by Jasmond @ 4:13:00 PM

Yesterday was a tiring day. Took almost whole day to finish the trial run. Heh. Wanted to use the net but my comp got some problems, unable to start. Luckily today I'm able to use the comp. I should be doing my project planning & dividing the final year project workload now, but without the stuffs from Jonathon I can do nothing. Sigh~ I'm so tired, but unable to sleep. My mind are full of stuffs. Things to do, plans for the future, financial plans, NS enlistment & so on. So stressed out~!Hope everything goes smoothly for me. I'm thinking more & more into the future. I can't help it. I don't want to be stuck halfway not knowing what to do, like before. Tonnes & tonnes of pressure, tonnes & tonnes of stress pours inside me everyday. It multiplies as days passes~! Hope i can come out with a "cure". Before I go bonkers. . .~

posted by Jasmond @ 3:16:00 PM

Heh. Drastic changes I think... My blog now "sound" better. Done lots of research and asking. At last made my blog sound nicer. Feel free to give me any comments on my blog design & the BG music. Used the whole morning & Part of my afternoon time to do all the editing. I got to go to my uncle's hse "pai nian" later, before going to Marina South to eat steamboat at 8pm. Monday morning got trial run on the Singapore Youth Hunt. It will be tiring. =/

posted by Jasmond @ 2:08:00 PM

1st day of february... LoL~ Cant get to sleep. Too bored I think. Hardly ate anything the whole day but supper. Ate alot during supper. Heh. Hmm, I've been thinking alot about my life. The things I've been through, what I've experienced & so on. Tried to stop myself from thinking so much, but so far stil unable to succeed. =P Probably those who always listen to my problems have heard umpteen of times from me that I'm tired of my life, tired of the reality, the society etc. But somehow I still managed to live through it. Several times I've thought to myself if I'm just trying to get sympathies from others by saying all the stuffs of being tired or whatever. Maybe it's just my way of venting my grievance or something. I becoming to hate being alone. Because when I'm alone, I tends to think alot. When I think, all my problems, grievance & all the unhappiness from my past will eventually re-surface. I'm not trying to run away from them, I just don't wanna think of them. I've had had enough already. I want to live life anew. I wanna live a life with a brand new me, whom will face others without wearing a "mask". A person whom will laugh from the heart & not putting on an act. Truthfully, I don't know how long I've been in the "acting industry". Well, I can say that no one in this world can really understand me. Even those that are close to me don't really know me that well. I can say it's just a tip of an iceberg.

posted by Jasmond @ 1:15:00 AM